Adore

Trust and find
the nobility of his mind
the nobility of his life
and of his love.
Find
the nobility of truths
he does not deny.


Believe and see
the adornment he has for thee.
Looking to great
the beauty that is your face.
Like a swift sunrise
over hilltops and bree.
Every course of skin
lies stories of care.
It bares no shame
no shadow of uncertainty.


Like the tales of old says
it stays true-
that love comes but once.
And come it has,
for your descent
and in your fall
I rise,
and fall deeper we eill.
Like the seed
that digs deep
should grow.

Verses

I am yours
forever do
love you.
You are always
on my mind
I see you clear
speaking words
truth laid bare.
Always there
on the run
to where
you always are.
Finding where
my heart races far.
To reach my love
and hold her close
feel her arms
and her breath.
And she warms
my skin, lost to the cold
of winter's harm.
She is the sun
and the fall
and its breeze.
My longing
would never seize.
I am far
from my life's end
yet so close
to its deserved glory.
Receiving grace,
and giving care.
Caring it shall be
until the end
of me.
Loving it is named.
It is
but living
with a purpose
in these long verses.

Rifting Rafts

no matter how hard they try
no matter what they say
no matter what they make you feel
no matter what they try to prove
they can never take you away.

whatever you do
whatever you make me feel
whatever the pain
i'll love you the same.

some may hurt
but never trully understand.
the way i feel for you
is so much more
than what they could comprehend.

this is how i feel.
and no one else
could ever feel the same.
i love you more
than anyone else could ever dream of.
this is true, i know
they could curse me
they could think
of the worst things of me
but this will never change:
my love.

they will say
they love you more
and that they are better than i am,
the latter could be true
but never that first part
i have the bigger heart
filled up by you.

i will pay whatever cost
just to keep you mine
and fight any fight.
i will live loving you
and die just the same.
i will have
every bit of the pain
that this love shares
and still love you more
than this heart could ever bear.

When the storm comes
and the shit falls
I'd still be there.
When everything has been said
and all that you feel has been shaken
know that I'd still love you.
And when you get used to all of this
and start thirsting for more of something else,
I'll give you more.
I'll never quit.
I'll never stay down
for so long
when my legs fails to keep me up.
I'll rely on the facts,
on the reality of your love.
I'll prove
once again
that I love you.
And I'll do it a million times over
just to keep you
just to make you happy.

Love Her

When you find that girl
who you know
you do love,
and you love her deeply,
make her yours.
Don't let her pass you by.
Because it takes a lifetime
to fall for someone,
and there's no one else
in this world
- not one person,
like her.


I wrote this about more than a year ago. I told myself that I should be man enough to tell a girl that I love her only when I meant it.And after months I wrote this, I did. I've proven to myself that I am man enough to tell someone something that I know would make me vulnerable as hell. And I am positive that I did not make a mistake. I know that if I hadn't told that to this girl, my life would find its way to certain tragedy. And now that she knows that I love her, and that I know she loves me back, our fates have been twined. Only to be led to where God takes us from here.

All this time growing up taught me a lot of things. A lot of hurt, a lot of laughs, a lot of tears due to the latter reasons. I've learned so much about love, and what it can do, and what it feels like, and what it is capable of. And I know that that is exactly what I have found in Teng.
And a lot of people who'd read this would think "That's just to cheesy." or "He doesn't know what he's talking about." or maybe even "This dude's gay to say all this.". But if this, what I am saying here, is the truth, then why should it not be said? And surely, if any man(in his right mind) who finds love to the degree of how I see it and experience it he'd say the same thing too.

I have found the girl I talked about the poem above. And I do intend to keep her for as long as she'll have me. I have lived up to now still finding myself wherever she is. Because my place is with her. And I do love her.

J.A.D.D.

What Love Does

You set my heart on fire
and say words
that sound like music from a lyre.
You take every breath I take away
leading them not astray.
But straight into your arms
Where there is only love
no harm.
And I find comfort
your love never falls short.

You give me love
and care
and everything
that makes the world fair.
You take my love
and everything I give
and with it you choose to live
with me
and with all days
my heart my soul
deeply prays
you'd stay.

I'll forever love
until there's breath for you to take
in these lungs.
And with each breath drawn,
I'll sing you this song
this melody of being free
despite being a captive of love.
Everything is pure.
A sinful life
you have cured.

Roselle

Have you ever wondered
about love? About
its truth? About what it
really feels like?
I have. And I have went
and found it.
In the palm of your
hands. In the vault
of your beating heart.
I have felt it,
flowing out
and coming in.
I have given it
and choose to live
giving it.
To you.
Who gave me answers.
Who is the solution
against the biggest monsters
in life that I will face.
I was lost
and you gave me a place
where I can find peace
again and again.
Eliminating every trace
of fear and pain,
of moments of shame.
Giving me a reason
to live. Air
to breathe.

Have you ever wondered
about peace? About
a peace that lasts?
With no worries.
Just safety.
I have. In your love
I have it. Its warmth
always so inviting.
Making me come back
for more.
Just like our quivering
breaths after we kiss.
Letting us know
we want more.
More of this love.
More of this peace.
Making me want you
even more.

Found

I have found depth

in the place I thought I'd never live to see.

I found it in those eyes

that seem to pierce my soul.

I found it in that heart

that loves a thousand fold.

I found it

in those caring arms

that took me in.

That chose to love me.

Speak

Speak the words.
I seek your face.
Finding my place
in torn worlds.
Let your love
surround me
and save me
from the pain
from the bitterness.
Create a resounding love
that echoes on
until the end of time
And I forever will
hold you close
near the deep chambers of my heart.
Wake me
from my deep slumber.
Open my eyes.
Give me warmth
of your love.
And speak the words
I've waited my whole life to hear
Show the face
that holds the beauty
of a thousand goddesses.
Always pure,
always divine.
My blood runs
on it's course
on its way
to it's purpose.
To love
and never stop.
To care
and always hope.

What Is It?

What is love
without it's sacrifices?
It's promises to be kept?
It's rules and beliefs?
What is it
without giving more than taking?
What is it
but to do anything just to make the other happy?
Or feel appreciated
despite
his or her own imperfections?
What is love
but to care for,
and never do anything to hurt
the one you say you love?
What is love
without selflessness?
What is it
that makes you content?
What is it
you value the most?
What is it
that matters to you more?
Feelings made felt?
Appearance?
What is to love?
Than to give up
more of yourself,
more of your pride,
your dignity
just so you can give the one you love
what he or she truly deserves?
What is it?

I'm Still Here

I'm still here,
loving you so dear.
Remembering the day
I first saw you.
Remembering the way
I felt when I found out I loved you.

Let me fall for you
my love,
over and over again.
Like the crashing waves coming in.
I'll still be here
waiting for everything to begin.

I'll give
every ounce of blood
every drip of sweat
every pint of shame
every bit of my strength
for you.
But only for you.
I'll live the lengths
of everyday
giving you a glimpse
of what we had
and what I want us to have.

Keep me here,
it is where I want to be.
For the rest of my days.
Your love is the only love
I would ever long for.
Your face
the only one I want to see.
Your hands are the only ones
I'll hold on to so dearly.

I'll be what you need,
I'll be what everyone cannot be.

There are many things
I have yet to say,
many things
I have yet to do.
Teach me the ways of your heart.
Show me the ways of your mind.
Lead me to where your soul resides.
Show me where the pain hides
and let me be the one
to keep you going,
keep you living,
fighting,
loving.

Hurt, Fight, Love.

The face that haunts my soul.
The fact that stops my breath short.
The one who distorts love,
belittles my dignity,
my reason
and my existence.
Washes off
every memory I have planted.
And vanquishes
memories of tomorrow's happiness.


It plays over
and over again.
That night
that set my heart ablaze.
When everything seemed so right,
turned wrong.
By this joke of a man.
Cowardly, yet wise.
Evil lurks in his veins.
Wanting to end
the greatest good
of what my life could ever have.


Destroying as he goes,
he never stops.
He's always there,
where I used to be.
Taking my own throne.
Taking the very reason
of my being.


I'll fight,
til there's nothing left
to fight for.
No, not even then
will I stop loving.
For it is the only thing
that I know how to do.
And she is the only person,
I could ever love,
could ever hold in these arms of mine
and call my own.


I'll give and die.
Wanting no less than her joy.
Wanting to be the reason,
wanting to be the one to sacrifice
everything that I hold dear.
She'll have me
always.

In For A Fight

I hold my heart
in my hands.
I'll show it to the world
and then I'll show them you.
I'll tell them
"The two are the same.
One
is much a part of me as the other.
Take my heart away,
and I'd still breathe.
Take her away
and my heart will have no use."

I'll go through all the pain,
drop every tear,
live every agonizing second,
every haunting day,
and each lasting hour
fighting for you, my love.

Once

I walk
in a path of evergreen.
Not believing what I have seen.


The air,
that light breeze.
The light
passing in
and out
of the trees above.
Reminding me of the light
I saw in your eyes.


Birds are singing
what seems to be a single tune.
My ears
clinging on
to every note
and every pause.
They're singing with a cause.
Again, reminding me of you
speaking words of love.
Sounding right and true.


Belief,
that everything will come out pure.
As coal does going through flames
before giving out that glow.
That inner glow
and incinerating passion.
That desire
for one's longing arms,
longing for the safety
and the love it brings,
once again.
Once more.
Feeling in,
reaching out.
Holding on
for all it's worth.
Arms out,
reaching,
searching for you
in pitch black darkness.
Searching for that light
that glows in your heart.

Dreams

In my dreams you'll stay.
In a house filled with boxes
of good memories.
But in the basement,
along with the furnace,
dust,
insects and webs,
lies the pain.
The haunting events
and words and such.
A poorly lit room
by the light of my own tears.
No truth lies there,
except the fact that you left.
And I am here alone.
Pondering, looking for all reasons why,
you sang with me
but couldn't sing hallelujah.
All those late nights,
all those days.
I never really had you.

So Much More

Don't go on
wasting life.

Life is so much more
than what it was meant for.
Life is so much more
than booze,
than parties,
than fights,
than suffering,
than crying,
than washing ashore.

Your Absence

Without you
life would go on.
The birds will fly,
songs will be sung,
cars will pass me by,
darting eyes will be shun.


Hairs would turn gray,
Time will pass
and I will watch all the while.

Children will still play,

people will continue to live.

But without you
I will surely die.
I'll suffer life,
suffer each breath
in the darkness
of your absence.

Fall Again

I've been bent
I've been broken.
I've been everything but heaven-sent.
I've been dumb
I've been selfish
I've been nothing but numb
I am sorry.
Please forgive me.
For every wrong act,
for everything I lack.
I've been blind
I've been stupid.
I don't want to be left behind.
Because of my incompetence.
Because of my hypocricy.
I'll get up form this mess.
And make you fall again.

Ready

I am ready to be ugly.
I am ready to wrinkle.
I am ready to rot.
I am ready to wither.
But after all, I will never be forgot.

I Want To Be

I want to be

what the world chooses not to be.

I want to be the difference.

I want the change.

I want to live the hard life,

I want to be called strange.

I want to be unusual.

I want to be more,

I want to be discontented.

I want to be reinvented.

I’ll be what everyone can’t be,

or does not want to be.

I’ll be the loser.

I want to be unfamiliar.

I want to be the odd one out.

I don’t want to be perfect.

I want to be worth it.

Worth everything the world is not.

This Is..

This is for the weak,
this is for the poor.
This is for the hurting.
This is for the people,
who have been left wanting
and needing.


For those whose thirsts have not been quenched.
For the betrayed,
for the enslaved,
by smaller things than life.


Whatever fight you face,
whatever pain you can't seem to escape,
don't let it win.
Lift your head up,
and let your life begin.


Life is a race.
It seems too long to live
and yet it goes by too fast.
Every step,
every gasp for air,
will get you there.
To the place
that has been promised to you.


This is the time to cry.
This is the time to laugh.
This is the time to be new,
the time to forgive,
and be forgiven.

Name

This love
this feeling
it lives
and it breathes.
It speaks
words we cannot hear,
words that don't exist.


It is in between the lines
that you would find my love.
Between and in the thoughts
only you could see.


It is this
that defines love.
It is in the words
we never have to say.
It is in this cold night
that time would begin to slow down into a stop.


And we'll live in every minute
of every moment.
In every ticking second.
In every breath taken.




People hope,
people dream,
but all i know
is that you already take me there.
All I know is reality.
You are what hopes and dreams are.
You are bigger
than endless words of love.


This is where I lie,
here is my place.

I look to the skies

for words divine.

But what i see

are endless lines.

This is love.

spelled between the letters of your own name.

Just A Phase

You thought you had it all.

You thought you had the riches of the world.

But it's just a phase.

You thought "this is it"

You think now "that was just shit".

It's just a phase.

Think again

and again.

And then actually think.

And think once more.

Cause nothing is worth throwing your life for.


Don't lose hope,
never live in vain.
There will always be a rainbow after hard rain.

Years In The Making

Okay, today my relationship with Roselle Oliman made it to it's fourth month. I know people think it's tacky to celebrate the so-called "monthsaries", but I think the past four months I had is something worth writing about.


I have never in my life spent four months this happy before. Seriously, I have never had a full day wearing a frown on my face. And I know it's because of Teng (Roselle's nickname). She never gets tired of holding me up all the time. I keep her close to my everyday life. I let her know everything that's happened about my day, and it's when I am troubled that she gives me strength. I have never met anyone so joyful and lovely as she.


The past two months have been the greatest. Brutal and yet great. We faced summer together even when we were so far apart. We missed each other but there was nothing we could do but wait. There has been too many trying times. But we went pass them. Scratched, bruised, wounded. But in the end those thorns and punches are what made us stronger. Better individuals even.


I find her very different from other girls - girls I have been with and other girls in general. Which is what I think makes the most difference in our relationship. I love every bit of her, even her imperfections. Yes, imperfections. They let me know she is real. That what we have is not something to be doubted. Or thought of as a "too-good-to-be-true" sort of relationship.


She's the kind of girl I would hold on to for the rest of my God-given life. I love her dearly. Too young I am you say? To know love to such a degree? Well what is love if not real love? I've always thought it funny when people say "'wag muna mag-seryoso". How could someone take love lightly? I refuse to. It's not like it is a choice. No one can stop love, real love at that. And that is what I have been living with for months now. A girl that turned into a lady, and a boy transformed into a man.

Jazz Ain't Extinct!

Incognito - a British funk jazz band that hit the music scene 30 years ago. It was and still is one of my favorite bands of ALL time.


I first heard from this band back in the mid 90's when i was a kid. My mom always listened to this as she exercised in our living room. Me and my twin sister Chelsea would always sit, our backs against the wall, and we would watch our mom movin' to the groove.


If only music nowadays would make this much sense. If only there were more bands like these. Bands that are worth every penny, every peso. Maybe piracy wouldn't be so much big a deal today eh?


I think I am part of a rare group in my generation. A group of teens listening to jazz. And I don't even know how big or small that group is! The only person I know who is as young as I am who listens to this is my twin sister! How sad is that?! Wouldn't it be just cool to be in a jazzfest and the people you see are youngsters? That would be the day. :)

Spewing Deathly Thoughts

Scrambled thoughts
sprawled beneath my feet.
They feel like sand
and in a sense they are..


Rough as they may seem
truths they gleam.


Certain of uncertainty,
doubting doubts.
Knowing my frailty
as I sift through this sand.


Time and time
and time again
these thoughts come in seasons.
Cold and true.
Dark and blue.


Death comes quick,
death comes cold,
death comes brutal,
death will make you fold.

Right?

Every minute of every day I spend thinking of what will be and what might have been. I think of the decision I have made and those I did not make. I make only the right decisions, or at least what I know are right and are on the right terms of being right. But what happens when what you believe in and what you have to do go on different directions? What would be right? Everyday we live with ourselves trying to make up for things we did in the past we know or knew were wrong. May it be from killing a living, breathing dweller of this earth to forgetting to do the laundry. Whatever we may do to make up for the crimes, sins or what you want to call it, that we have committed, would it make a difference? Would it compensate for the wrongs we ourselves have done? May it be consciously or unconsciously? Could we live with the guilt? Would anything we do matter anymore after we have sinned against a person?


Too long and far too many times we have thought only of ourselves and what is best for us. I think it is about time we thought about others and about something higher than the physicality of being and doing right. It's about time we be right in and out. Don't you think so too? Whoever you are reading this?

Unforgiven

The unforgiven
has forgiven
many times before.
How many times have I washed ashore?
What mistakes are really accounted for?
Discussions inexistent.
Words broken not bent.
Same faults made by two
and yet outcomes changed.
I have understood
while i was misunderstood.
I have given yet dare not take
chances that would leave me alone
when i wake.

Symphony Love

I looked for truth
and saw comfort beside it
in your heart.
I found no despair.
I found melody.
I found a symphony.
Your love is a sound
echoing through the corners of my heart,
and the spaces in my soul.
There is no question,
no room for doubt
in your love.
It is where I will be found for all eternity.

The Fallen

Between what was real

and what was fake

the little boy did not see

any difference.

As the shadow walks past his room

he knows "he" did it again.

Like fall, the leaves trinkle to the ground,

and then blown away to a distant place from home.

His hope is deteriorating,

flowing away from the exit wound.

But everyday he smiles,

Like he knew nothing.

Tell Me To

Tell me to stop breathing

and i would do so gladly.

But when the times come when

I feel the burn and the urge to breathe

I'd draw that one breath only for you.

Tell me to speak the words of love

and i would say them truthfully.

And when the time comes i can no longer say them anymore,

because i no longer exist, know that i love you still.

For my love would stay with you

until we'd meet again.

If i could seal the world

with just a touch

with a tight embrace,

seal it -

To make it mine forever,

I would do it with no second thoughts.

And the world has your name written on it.

You are the world in which i reside in,

in which i lay my head to sleep,

in which i quench my thirst

and satisfy my needs.

Sometimes
all you got to do is to see,
how much you meant to me.
And then you'll find
all the mysteries in my ind
to be sane and pure.
Thinking of you is like a cure.


Sometimes
all you got to do is to feel,
to let you know that I'm real.
I'll let you know
the beauty you behold,
winning over my soul a thousand fold.


Sometimes
all you got to do is to listen,
I'll tell you how much of life you are missing.
I'll give you love
you're meant to have.




For Roselle Oliman,

Love

A single wave would be enough
To smoothen my day so rough
To say the words "I Love You" wouldn't suffice
Because for you, my heart quietly cries


Open your eyes, open your heart,
Free your thoughts, set them apart
From the numbness, from the sadness,
That makes you feel hopeless.


Thirsty for your love,
Parched from crying out to you,
These words I say with love,
Asking what I need to do,
To make you love me too.


Searching for an answer,
To make things a bit clearer.
Looking to find a way
To make you say
What i want to hear
From your sweet voice, my dear.


Save me from my despair,
Let me know that you care,
Love me back, complete me,
Don't doubt my love, believe me.


Look deep into my heart,
I'll show you how love is supposed to be.
Look deep into my eyes,
Then you'll see,
How much you really mean to me.

The Greater Good

Don't be afraid that I'll ever leave you.

I know it's you I want.

I'll look no more for my greater good,

because I know you're the greatest good i could ever get

Loving you, there would be no regrets.

If you were gold then I'd be greed,

I'll keep you mine forever.

You're all I'll ever need.

If you were the sun I'd be the earth,

you'd be the main source of my energy.

If you were life I'd just be me,

for an end to your beauty there will never be.

If I could have you, oh what a joy it would be.

I'd live everyday just to fall endlessly.

I'd keep every moment with you in my memory,

and every moment without you in agony.

I would live to love and love to live with you,

and die loving you happily.

For Roselle Oliman,

Worth The Pain

I have feared

That this would be

Being alone,

Feeling the uncertainty

Overshaddowed by my past

Outpowered..

by the loneliness that would last

Holding on to nothing

But pain

I scream

I shout

I cry

For this moment to die

Feeling lost

Feeling mazed

Feeling lost

Feeling dazed

I search myself

Wandering the streets

Hoping one day

I'd know why

My heart still beats

Hoping one day

I'll find someone

Worth the pain...

Untitled

Shards of ambient light filled his eyes.

Pride and joy filled his veins,

and his heart beat honor instead of blood.

Love, that's what it was.

that's who she is.

She showed him love.

She showed him everything else

without effort not even constraint.

Like unending waves and constant gushes of the wind

they burst out into space like comets trailing light.

Moving through space and time never to stop.

They found eternity in each other.

They were beautiful.

Like the crystals in the ocean at sunset

and the rainbow after hard rain.

The girl was and is a blessing

to the boy who was turned into a man.

To a man that once suffered,

to the man that once lost all..

But now has everything.

He gained love and life.

His happiness moves.

Like an unsettling skipped stone.

He is happy like never before.

For Roselle Oliman